Men’s mental health – a growing crisis
Men’s mental health: Let’s imagine a world without suicide
The crisis of men’s mental health isn’t going away.
Bridgend-based social enterprise Lads and Dads Men’s Mental Wellbeing CIC provides support to around 2500 men across the UK, and activities in Wales.
Lads and Dads is making a huge difference to the wellbeing and lives of men and boys.
Founder, First Aid for Mental Health Instructor, and suicide prevention activist Rob Lester explains how Lads and Dads grew from his own need.
Vulnerability is the ultimate strength that can be shown – it’s where recovery begins and healing starts.
Vulnerability is where healing starts
“For me, the turning point was my dad’s death in February 2019.
“A parent’s death is nothing out of the ordinary, but from my perspective, I was looking after everyone else, making sure all was good from the logistics perspective, and that my mum was ok.
“After the funeral, the significance really dawned on me.
“I noticed I was starting to withdraw, to be less good company. I was struggling from a work perspective.
“My GP gave me a number for a bereavement counselling charity, so I gave them a call.
Support doesn’t happen when it’s needed
“I suppose naively I thought I’d get a quick turnaround, but that wasn’t the case. It would be three months before they could speak to me. I booked the appointment, but I was still struggling and feeling a bit lost, and it left me thinking, ‘what next?’
“Watching a series called ‘After Life’ with Ricky Gervais was a breakthrough. I thought it might help me in some way. I laughed. Cried. Sobbed.
“That programme helped me to feel that it was ok – right, even – to feel as I was. It gave me permission to go easier on myself.
Lads and Dads as a new solution
“In the end I didn’t go to the GP appointment in three months – I felt I’d got a bit of control back for myself by then.
“Instead, I put a post on Facebook: Does anyone want to meet up to set up a men’s group?
“Then I waited for the replies. They arrived, but they were 100% from females. They told me about their sons/ brothers/ uncles/ partners who were feeling down and needed support – but the men themselves weren’t getting involved.
“So I rowed back, and thought about what I needed to do differently.
How Lads and Dads was born
“Later in the year I tried again, and in October a group of eight men met at Brackla Community Centre.
“I talked about what I was feeling, and the rest of the group shared their unique stories. We sat with our teas and coffees, and decided to give it a go, and Lads and Dads was born.
“Seven years on, we’re supporting almost 2500 men every day.”
Weekly activities
The group meet for monthly catch ups and gatherings, and for walks-and-talks.
“We started a male only Facebook group. It was all about trust. It needed to be private, away from the wider public.
“The group grew arms and legs, and became a Community Interest Company (CIC) in May 2023.
“Lads and Dads has an online presence across the UK, and overseas too – people who meet physically, or online.”
Men’s mental health consultancy
Rob worked for Tesco for 24 years, the last few years as a regional coach.
“I was always more interested in people than the business, to be honest. I loved the buzz of it, but in reality my heart was in developing and supporting people – making people feel bigger, not smaller.
“I’m interested in human beings.”
Rob’s adopted daughter is autistic, which set him on the path to learn more about neurodiversity, and from there he took suicide awareness and prevention training.
He is now a mental health first aid instructor, a safeguarding instructor, and a leadership coach and trainer delivering workshops on mental health and neurodiversity to businesses UK-wide.
“It’s always been about understanding how people operate, understanding the other person’s perspective. I was probably in the ‘try this’ space previously, but with the range of skills and qualifications I have now, I understand why someone’s character was as it was.
“I’ve studied and use various people profiling tools. Finding the best way to communicate with an individual is a real interest of mine.
“For a lot of people, mental health support can be daunting, but I think there’s a huge opportunity to support someone through a period of difficulty through tools – but not through advice. Everyone is different. You can’t say ‘just to that, and everything will be ok’.
“There are so many layers to people. It’s about having the wisdom to see that.
The Lads and Dads approach to men’s mental health
“People suffering may pin their hopes on one thing, but I like to say that there are lots of things you can do. Try this: this might work, or maybe this. The breakthrough might be with us, or it might be with someone else. It’s about people finding what’s right, and if together we can make things better, that’s perfect.
“Lads and Dads run 6-9 events a week for men (and women) to attend and converse. There’s no pressure – they’re just activities.
“Sometimes we take on challenges. In March, some of us take on the 12 dips challenge – cold water sea swims in 12 locations within 12 hours when the sea is at its coldest. All sorts of people take part. It’s a great awareness-raiser, and there’s a lot of science around the mental health benefits of cold water swimming – but three minutes is long enough.
“Why 12 dips? Because 12 men a day in the UK take their own lives through suicide.
Twelve men take their own lives every day: let’s make that stop
“Men’s mental health needs to be talked about 365 days a year, 7 days a week, not for one month or one day.
“Twelve men a day are lost to suicide. They’re husbands, fathers, uncles, sons, brothers, boyfriends, colleagues, friends.
“Wouldn’t it be amazing if we didn’t have to repeat that statistic, over and over.
“Let’s imagine a world without suicide – then help make it happen.”
Thanks to Rob Lester for talking to me, and to Lads and Dads CIC for inviting me to their dip.
About Lads and Dads CIC:
- Lads and Dads is a CIC based in Brackla, Bridgend.
- The group provides a safe space for men to talk and support each other with mental health challenges.
- They are committed to addressing the stigma around men’s mental health.
- Membership is free and open to all men.
- The Facebook group is peer led.
- Timetabled events include:
- Two cold water therapy sessions each week in summer (Wednesday and Sunday)
- Country walks – the 6 o’clock club (Tuesday and Thursday) open to male/ female/ children/ dogs to encourage togetherness and conversation
- An allotment space where people can be part of a team and work alongside each other on Thursday evenings and Sunday mornings
Lads and Dads CIC also runs a ‘hat chat’ once a week, where men aged 18 and over can talk openly about mental health in a supportive environment with free tea, coffee, and snacks.
- For more information, email: hello@ladsanddads.org
- Website: www.ladsanddads.org
- For men’s mental wellbeing safeguarding and first aid for mental health instruction, contact Rob at www.moraltrainingdevelopment.com